What I wish, what I know, in iso

by smithstandard
Woman in high bun and wearing black stands on outlook deck. The sun is just breaking in a beautiful orange over the grey ocean.

It’s been fifty-leven days, umpteen hours now.

I work from home. I do Click ‘n’ Collect. I complete mat Pilates sessions on my living room floor.

Some days I never leave the apartment.

What about you?

I spend hours thinking how much I can get done with this new state of normal and enjoying the newfound amount of time on my hands.

I also spend hours wishing I had the talent of the authors I read. I spend hours wishing I could just write however I want and somehow stop my perfectionism from getting in the fucking way.

I wish my brain hadn’t stalled during the re-write of my first draft. I wish I was closer to the finished product.

I wish I wasn’t filled with so many excuses.

I wish I didn’t rely on food and drink for comfort.

I wish I didn’t need to constantly pour my heart out to others for reassurance about big things, little things and everything in between.

I wish I was more self-assured, self-confident and less self-deprecating.

I wish I was strong enough to listen to, and act on, my gut instincts.

I wish I didn’t get in my own way. Oh, I wish.

What about you?

Some days I feel amazing. I am focused, I am strong. God damn, I’m good at kicking goals.

I’m making great progress.

I’ve eaten so well today. Didn’t even slip up once.

Hit 10,000 steps. Nothing is gonna stop me – until it does.

What about you?

I’ve learnt to indulge in the blackhole that is internet memes and levelled up in procrastination without any ill-will towards myself.

I’ve liked that despite all of the chaos in the world, the chaos that usually envelops me in the form of anxiety, has been surprisingly low.

I’ve realised just how much I want to see Lime Cordiale live: so I can dance to their music amongst a sea of strangers as a way of thanking them for keeping me half-sane during this weirdness.

I like that despite isolation highlighting some traits of mine I don’t like, it’s also made me appreciate the ones I do.

I’m dry and quick-witted on my good days. I can be a good listener, can bake a mean Anzac cookie and am the self-proclaimed Queen of Puzzles (as long as they’re not bullshit hard).

Despite my whinging, I do like my own company, for the most part.

What about you?

Isolation has made me re-prioritise the things that matter to me. Family, friends and walks along the beach when I actually do force myself outdoors.

I hope I remember that when this is all over.

I hope I get better at turning my wishes into achievable goals.

Whilst so many things are uncertain and there are so many things I wish and hope and like and dislike – there is one thing I know for sure: this entire experience has only reinforced my passion for travel.

When they open international borders again, I will be booking the first available flight to whichever country will take me.

Oh, how I do LOVE to travel.

What about you?

#isoramblings

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: